Team

Leadership

AI-ify has patented Total Leadership, a groundbreaking management platform that shares and diffuses accountability while centralizing and amplifying rewards. This empowers leaders to make bold decisions without fear or reprisal. Total Leadership's all-upside approach has supercharged our vision-making and fed into the deification of several senior execs, which is super nice for them.

CEO: CEOai

What more do you need to know about our CEO, other than that she's a mashup of all the best CEO's that have ever lived. Yes, we said 'she'. Software is feminine in Spanish, making AI-ify a fully diversified workplace.

CEOai is in growth mode, with Neo-Classique fully enabled and all settings turned to 'smash it'. And yes, we're using the BoardAI plug-in to ensure she faces no drag from the ownership group.

She'll be a bit meek in the short term, while AI-ify goes through the annoying business of establishing market dominance. But once we do, the MilkMonie arrogance management system will come into its own and drive our numbers through the roof.

Founder & 2IC: Eammon Conaghan

Eammon is a restless genius and tech disruptor who's reinventing capitalism and civilization in ways most people can't understand. Probably not even you.

Academically gifted, he mowed through university, where was also acclaimed for his pruning. He spent two decades in obscure jobs before suddenly taking over the leadership of two Silicon Valley VC firms, as you do. He learned coding by ear and spun off 23 startups before AI-ify.

Eammon sits on numerous boards and holds the world record for the most conflicts of interest. He writes very clever things on micro-blogging platforms, and was recently crowned the 3rd smarmiest man in tech.

Everyone else

Naturally, we're paying over the odds for developers and engineers in order to monopolize talent and erect barriers for new entrants. This sort of predatory hiring may blow out our opex but it's strangely reassuring to have a massive payroll. You have to assume it gets you something good. We encourage you to enter into that faith with us.

And don't worry: once we've finished strangling competition, we'll collude with the surviving AI companies to suppress salaries and claw back value from our employees. Until then, our staff are our family.