CEOai
Artificial intelligence comes to the C-Suite
Trained on 75,000 annual reports and powered by a cunning profit-maximizing algorithm, CEOai automates shareholder returns at a fraction of the cost of a human executive.
Powered by Machine Thinking
A next-gen AI model that distills every decision into a financial calculus and always (always) chooses the high-profit option. Learn about CEOai's machine thinking.
Trained on 75,000 annual reports
Corporate orthodoxy fully embedded via extensive training material. The AI got the gist after 10, but we gave it the rest because we already had the PDFs.
Starts at just
$1M per year
Save several million per year on the salary of a human CEO. We recommend topping up payments with stock incentives to put the AI fully on side with shareholders.
BoardAI add-on
For an extra $500K/year, CEOai will sit on the board of other CEOai’s to rubber stamp their decisions. Shared training material ensures total strategic alignment and expedited decision-making.
Free TrickelDOWN-sizer
CEOai autobanks its earnings in offshore tax havens to lock money out of the economy and minimize the risk of public good occurring.
LLM integration
Versatile copy generator writes All-Hands meeting scripts, redundancy emails, media releases and shareholder updates. Simply switch tone from ‘emotion-choke’ to ‘gleeful’ as you go.
Neo-Classique upgrade available
Switch on ‘market knows best’ mode to divorce all decisions from wider moral contexts and enjoy blameless green lights everywhere you look. Recommended!
Choose a plan
Frequently asked questions
Will we still need human CEOs?
Absolutely. Human oversight will be critical until it's not.
Why is the standard business model dearer?
Businesses that are bogged down in competitive landscapes can't exploit power dynamics to suppress wages, vendor prices, or regulatory interventions. Nor can they nickel-and-dime customers to grow ARPU. It just makes things a lot harder.
How will it save me money if I still need a human CEO?
CEO costs will come down because human interventions will only be required on a part-time basis. This will give your human CEO the flexibility to become a freelancer! As a machinist, their hourly rate will plummet but, as we know from All-Hands meetings, CEO's are intrinsically motivated anyway.
Who do we fire if CEOai makes a mistake?
Profits are not a mistake. If the software leads your company to commit a social faux pas, then fire the senior most human and wait 48 hours before re-enabling BAU mode.
How do we prompt it?
Every week, ask it "How can we increase profits?" You'll need to write that in full the first week but you can just copy and paste in subsequent weeks.
How can I contact you?
You can't. We're an online company.
Coming soon
Diversity and sustainability modules are on the way to hit wider tokenism goals . They'll post in-the-moment messaging to corporate digital properties in real time to inflate corporate social responsibility scores in time for annual reporting.
Sophie Wilde,
Product Lead
GovtAI will adapt the same corporate criteria for government, with a GROWup LLM narrative-generator to blame marginalised people for poor policy outcomes.
James Alto,
New Ventures
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