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A binary, profit-maximizing algorithm that perfectly replicates the sophistication of CEO decision-making.

Trained on 75,000 annual reports

Corporate orthodoxy fully embedded via training diet of annual reports and shareholder statements. The machine learning model seemed to get the gist after 10, but we gave it the rest because we already had the PDFs.

Starts at just
$1M per year

Save several million per year on the salary of a human CEO. We recommend topping up payments with stocks to put the AI fully on side with shareholders. This will help expedite the transfer of value from employees and customers to investors.

BoardAI add-on

For an extra $500K/year, CEOai will sit on the board of other CEOai’s to rubber stamp their decisions. Shared training material ensures total strategic alignment and expedited decision-making.

Free TrickelDOWN-sizer

CEOai autobanks its earnings in offshore tax havens to lock money out of the economy and minimize the risk of public good occurring.

LLM integration

Versatile copy generator writes All-Hands meeting scripts, redundancy emails, media releases and shareholder updates. Simply switch tone from ‘emotion-choke’ to ‘gleeful’ as you go.

Neo-Classique upgrade available

Switch on ‘market knows best’ mode to divorce all decisions from wider moral contexts and enjoy blameless green lights everywhere you look. Recommended!

Choose a plan

Business

If you have to actually compete
for market share.

$2M

USD per year

Oligopoly

If you have to collude with other giants to achieve profit goals.

$1.5M

USD per year

Monopoly

If you have complete market control.

$1M

USD per year

*BoardAI add-on recommended

Coming soon

Diversity and sustainability modules are on the way to hit wider tokenism goals . They'll post in-the-moment messaging to corporate digital properties in real time to blow up CSR scores in time for annual reporting.

Sophie Wilde,
Product Lead

GovtAI will adapt the same corporate criteria for government, with a GROWup LLM narrative-generator to blame marginalised people for poor policy outcomes.

James Alto,
New Ventures

Frequently asked questions

Will we still need human CEOs?

Absolutely. Human oversight will be critical until it's not.

Why is the standard business model dearer?

Businesses that are bogged down in competitive landscapes can't exploit power dynamics to suppress wages, vendor prices, or regulatory interventions. Nor can they nickel-and-dime customers to grow ARPU. It just makes things a lot harder.

How will it save me money if I still need a human CEO?

CEO costs will come down because human interventions will only be required on a part-time basis. This will reduce payroll and give your CEO the flexibility to become a freelancer! As a machinist, their hourly rate will plummet but, as we know from All-Hands meetings, they're intrinsically motivated anyway.

Who do we fire if CEOai makes a mistake?

Profits are not a mistake. If the software leads your company to commit a social faux pas, then fire the senior most human and wait 48 hours before re-enabling BAU mode.

How do we prompt it?

Every week, ask it...pay attention now ..."How can we increase profits?" You'll need to write that in full the first week but then just highlight the text and go "Ctrl C". From then on, just type "Ctrl V" (and don't restart your computer).

How can I contact you?

You can't. We're an online company.

15

Team members

340+

Supported lenders

Happy users

230k