Ceobot

Powered by Machine Thinking

Ceobot's next-gen AI distills every decision into a financial calculus and always chooses the highest-profit option. Learn about Ceobot's machine thinking.

Results driven

Ceobot's unblinking focus on the bottom line and shareholder value provides unmatched strategic clarity. Experience a new dawn in distraction-free enterprise management.

Starts at $1M

Save several million per year on the salary of a human CEO. We recommend topping up payments with stock incentives to put the AI fully on side with shareholders.

BoardAI add-on

For an extra $500K/year, Ceobot will sit on the board of other Ceobot’s to rubber stamp their decisions. Shared training material ensures total strategic alignment and expedited decision-making. Check out BoardAI.

Free TrickelDOWN-sizer

Ceobot autobanks its earnings in offshore tax havens to lock money out of the economy and minimize the risk of public good occurring.

Neo-Classique upgrade available

Switch on ‘market knows best’ mode to divorce all decisions from wider moral contexts and enjoy blameless green lights everywhere you look. Recommended!

LLM integration

Versatile copy generator writes All-Hands lay-off announcement scripts, redundancy emails, media releases and shareholder updates. Simply switch tone from ‘emotion-choke’ to ‘gleeful’ as you go.

Choose a plan

Business

If you have to actually compete
for market share.

$2M

USD per year

Oligopoly

If you have to collude with other giants to achieve profit goals.

$1.5M

USD per year

Monopoly

If your market dominance allows for gratuitous profiteering.

$1M

USD per year

Frequently asked questions

Will we still need human CEOs?

Absolutely. Human oversight will be critical until it's not.

Why is the standard business model dearer?

Businesses that are bogged down in competitive landscapes can't exploit power dynamics to suppress wages, vendor prices, or regulatory interventions. Nor can they nickel-and-dime customers to grow ARPU. It just makes things a lot harder.

How will it save me money if I still need a human CEO?

CEO costs will come down because human interventions will only be required on a part-time basis. This will give your human CEO the flexibility to become a freelancer! As a machinist, their hourly rate will plummet but, as we know from their media, CEO's are intrinsically motivated anyway so the pay cut won't bother them.

Who do we fire if Ceobot makes a mistake?

Profits are not a mistake. If the software leads your company to commit a social faux pas, then fire the senior most human and wait 48 hours before re-enabling BAU mode.

How do we prompt it?

Every week, ask it "How can we increase profit?" You'll need to write that in full the first week but thereafter, we recommend copying and pasting. Watch out for our 2nd-generation Ceobot+, in which this field will be auto-populated.

How can I contact you?

You can't. We're an online company.

Click here for more profit

(Think of the shareholders)

Coming soon

Diversity and sustainability modules are on the way to hit wider tokenism goals . They'll post in-the-moment messaging to corporate digital properties to inflate corporate social responsibility scores.

Sophie Wilde,
Product Lead

GovtAI will adapt the same corporate criteria for government, with a GROWup LLM narrative-generator to blame marginalized groups for poor policy outcomes.

James Alto,
New Ventures